What’s left when you can’t stand being at work because people are so utterly incompetent, political, and generally annoying; but you can’t stand being at home because everyone else is constantly in a bad mood for similar reasons?
Archive for the 'Family' Category
We went down to my grandparent’s house tonight to help them move some furniture out of one of their bedrooms, so my grandfather could put down some new wood flooring where they’ve had carpet for years.
Afterwards, we’re all sitting around talking, just like we always do, and we eventually make our way onto a hot topic about something that’s been going on with my Aunt and Uncle (the ones who take me on vacations).
My uncle is telling everyone what’s going on, and an argument ensues (also, as per normal).
I’m sitting on the couch with my aunt on my left and another relative on my right. After about 15 minutes, my aunt leans over and whispers “What do you suggest we do?”
Now, in this instance, my answer was a blunt “Oh, I’m not getting in the middle of this…”, but in any case, it got me to thinking…
My autn is really the only one in the family that I really and truly get along with. She’s the only one that I can go on vacation with and two weeks later get off a plane and be ready to go out to dinner with after days of travelling.
And she always has a way of making me feel welcome in these kinds of conversations.
You see, the rest of my family is somewhat loud and outspoken. As a result, I’ve grown up a quiet and somber personality. I enjoy being involved in such discussions, but I rarely get involved. Instead, I’ll just sit there and quietly listen, all the while keeping my opinions to myself (regardless of their stance).
But every time this happens, this same aunt will pull me into the conversation, one way or another. If she has to simply ask and get me talking, just to draw the conversation towards me, that’s fine. If she has to fully stop the conversation and declare “We haven’t heard what Christopher thinks yet!”, then that’s what it takes. If she has to announce that to solve it, we’re all going to start taking shots, that’s cool. But one way or another, she’s going to get me in the conversation and stop letting me listen in silence.
Now, I did suggest that we all go have some drinks somewhere and forget about our problems for a while… But that was quickly shot-down for the annoying reason that South Carolina doesn’t allow liquor sales on Sunday.
I just thought it was interesting that the theory I’d been thinking about for quite some time was so obviously confirmed just tonight. She’s always interested in what I have to say, while everyone else simply ignores me entirely, frequently even when I try to jump into a conversation. And that just makes me feel nice, and appreciated, and cared about… It’s a (sadly) all too infrequent feeling these days, when everyone’s only concerned with themselves.
So last month we had a family get-together, where everyone came over to have dinner and catch each other up on what’d been going on recently, since we don’t often talk to each other from day to day.
Well, just as people are finishing dinner and starting to talk about various topics, one of my aunts asks her son (my cousin, obviously) if he was going to tell anyone else about his announcement. He groans and mumbles something. After she hits him a couple times and yells, he speaks up and announces that he’s getting married to his girlfriend.
Today, after the majority of people left, one of my other cousins and I were sitting at the table after our Easter lunch at my grandparents’ house. Someone asks when our other cousin was planning to get married, and she looks at me and asks “Do you actually think they’ll end up getting married?” For several seconds, we both just sat and thought, then shared one of those “I’ll believe it when I see it” looks that can’t quite be described in words.
Is it just me, or is it somewhat foolish to get engaged to someone your family has never met? Back when we first heard that he was getting married, his mother said later on that she’d only met the girl the week before, and didn’t know how long they’d been going out. Since (to my knowledge) there’s no pregnancy involved, it all just seems a tad bit premature to me. Then again, I’m the one who’s been single for over 2 years now with no prospects in the near future (which is both a good and bad thing, but let’s not get distracted), so I’m bound to be somewhat sceptical when the cousin that’s barely 6 months older than I am is getting engaged.
What’s your take on the situation? Assuming there are no unusual circumstances (such as a mini-you on the way or a drunken night in Vegas), how long should you know someone before even considering proposing to them? What’s your idea of a normal engagement period - one year, two years, two months? Would you introduce them to any members of your family before popping the question? Which members - just parents, or would any extended family members be involved? For those of you who are (or have been) married, was there anything different about your process that you think was less than ideal? Think you should have waited longer at some point, or rushed a little more?
With over 50% of American marriages now ending in divorce, particularly for those couples who have parents who were divorced (of which his are), it just seems to me people should be more and more paranoid cautious about heading into the big-M these days, even if they do end up making the same decisions eventually.
Last but not least, do you think there’s some magical ideal age to tie the knot? I know people who have gotten married (and had children) at a wide range of ages, and there seem to be pluses and minuses to both ends of the spectrum, yet no definitive answer pops out and displays itself as readily being the best. At what age did you get married? Have kids? How about your parents and grandparents?
Both of my parents were in their early 30’s before they had me and in their mid- to late-30’s by the time my younger brother came along. At this rate they’re going to be well into their 60’s by the time they have any hope of getting grandchildren out of either of us, which seems to be a tad later than one would want to truly enjoy some time with their grandchildren. Still, having children much before the early 30’s makes things tough on most couples as they struggle to keep their heads above the financial waters. Even though I don’t plan on shacking up with anyone in the next 5+ years anyway, some of these things are in the back of my mind, and I’d be interested to get some opinions on them from you guys, since it’s not exactly a common dinner-table discussion one has with the family.
We’re a Drinking Family…
It’s quite odd. For as long as I can remember, being with my Dad meant beer (usually Coors Lite)… by the case. One after another after another, all night long.
And yet when I was with my Mom, there was always a bottle of some type of whine (usually a White Zin) in the fridge, but it would sit there for years on end, unopened.
Then I turned 21, and started drinking at home. It started off with just me, feeling a tad out of place drinking my beer with dinner on a pretty regular basis1. One night I get home and decide to mix it up. There were several bottles of wine accumulating in the fridge2, and I decided to crack one open. My mom comes home just as I’m cleaning up the mess I made from my first attempt at the use of a cork-screw, and asks whether I’m stealing her muscadine wine. I tell her I’m not sure, I didn’t pay attention, so she takes a sip of mine and tells me nope, that’s not it. She proceeds to open another bottle and pours me a glass of it to taste, along with one for herself. Not bad, I thought… While I finish the rather unpleasant glass I’d poured from the first bottle, she finishes her glass of the Muscadine and pours another. On with dinner and a typical night…
The next night, we repeat almost the same process. I had enjoyed the Muscadine wine from the previous night, and decided that after a rough day, I deserved another glass. She comes home while I’m sitting in the recliner in the living room listening to some soft jazz3 and sipping my wine and accuses me of drinking up all her Muscadine wine, and proceeds to finish off the bottle herself.
Since then, it’s been an odd progression. Now several nights a week, we’ll each have a glass of wine. Sometimes I’ll substitute mine for something else4, but it’s become a bit of a ritual. Whether anyone else is home or not, we’ll get home after a hard day5 and have a glass or two of wine. We’ve also started buying a variety of wine whenever we’re out. If she happens to run to the grocery store one night, she’ll pick up something that looks appealing. Similarly, if I’m at Greens picking up something6, I’ll check out whatever they have in one of their mid-aisle displays and see what I see that might be good and grab a bottle.
Now, I know a lot of friends whose families are just drinking families. Some are more sophisticated and enjoy a glass or two of wine with dinner after a day at the office. Others are quite a bit more liberal, cracking open a beer as soon as they enter the door and not stopping until bed. Then there are those more conservative7 families (like ours usually was) where alcohol is rarely used8. It’s just been a bit of an adjustment for me, getting used to having someone else in the house drinking.
I suppose I’m just a tad worried. Is this how it starts? Am I slowly on my way to becoming an alcoholic? If it becomes a daily ritual to have a glass (or two, or three) of wine a night, is that the first step? When do you start to worry about your alcohol consumption? When you hit a 6-pack a night or a bottle a night? Two? Three? Or is it more focused on whether or not you could go without it or not? Don’t most alcoholics belive that they could stop drinking on a regular basis if they wanted to?
So tell me… Do you drink on a regular basis? If so, how much? Have you ever felt that you drink too much? Do you think I should be at all worried about my current level of drinking, or do you think it’s a normal level thus-far? Are there indications that I’m crossing the line into alcoholism? I honestly don’t think I am, and don’t think I ever will. Still, being the type of introspective, analytical type of person I am, I constantly wonder about these things. Is it really so bad to need two or three glasses of wine (or beer, etc.) a night to relax after work? I mean, if that’s what it takes to keep from flipping out and making a mistake9, is it really such a bad thing? Sounds more like a bargain to me…
But that’s why I’m here, pouring out my slightly-inebriated thoughts on my blog… I know there are far greater sources of wisdom out there than I can offer, so I ask you… What do you think?