Author

What? You mean you actually want to know more about the loser that actually wastes his time writing this stuff? Well, I can’t believe it, but if you say so…

Chris Meller is a resident of Greenville, South Carolina, currently un-employed.

In a former life, he was employed as a web developer and generic all-around “IT Guy”. He’s been responsible for the administration and maintenance of a wide range of desktops, servers, and networking equipment. Some of the crap he takes care of, in no particular order, includes:

  • Cisco routers and switches
  • Generic all-encompassing LAN and WAN networking and protocols (from cabling to IP, IPX, etc.)
  • Windows-based server and desktop administration (9x, 2000, XP, 2003, Vista, etc.)
  • Active Directory, DNS, DHCP, WINS
  • Exchange 2000
  • Novell Network (Akk!)
  • Linux-based web and database administration (Slackware, Fedora, RedHat, Ubuntu, etc.)
  • SQL:
    • Oracle 8i
    • MySQL 4 / 5
    • Microsoft SQL Server 2000 / 2005
  • Database-driven rich applications for a variety of internal and external company use
  • Code Igniter open-source PHP framework

Fun-Filled Meller Facts
Since it seems to be the thing to do these days, I decided to create a list of things you may or may not have known about me. I’ll keep adding to them as we go along. My eventual goal is the 100 mark:

  1. I’m fluent in PHP… It’s the best language ever!
  2. CSS is a blessing in disguise, and is usually the bane of my existence every time I try to do anything cool with it.
  3. I have a cat named Shadow… he’s grey, as you might expect. At one point, he was topping the 20lb mark, but as of ‘05, he’s slimmed back down to around the 15lb area.
  4. I have a small scar under my left eye from when I was 4. I was at my grandmother’s house, where I had a large inflatable turtle that I could get on and pretend I was riding. Logically, in order for one to properly “ride” a large inflatable turtle, one would need reins of some sort. Therefore, we found a chain to put around its neck to satisfy this purpose. While riding my turtle happily, I fell off, landing face-first on the chain. The large gash it created just never totally healed.
  5. Both my grandfather and grandmother on my mother’s side are still very much alive. We go to their house to have dinner with the entire family for virtually all holidays.
  6. I haven’t said more than 3 words to my father in almost 8 years, and haven’t seen my grandfather on his side in a good bit longer. My paternal grandmother died when I was about 5, after a major overdose on sleeping pills. My memories of her (what few I have) are some of the fondest I retain…
  7. I’m a Star Trek addict. You name it, I can quote it.
  8. My favorite Trek movie is Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan… can you blame me?
  9. I think Star Trek: Nemesis sucked… horribly. Somehow, it still pales in comparison to Star Trek: The Motion Picture…
  10. I have a Barbie and Ken Star Trek set (they’re dressed in uniforms), still in mint condition in their box. One day, those damn things better be worth some major money, or I’m going to be mad…
  11. I have all the Playmates Star Trek micro-machines except the Star Trek: Voyager set, which I badly want. I still play with them from time-to-time.
  12. I was active in the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts from the time I was about 10 up until about 16. I never finished the last 3 merit badges needed to make Eagle Scout. Unfortunately, people were right… I regret it (a little).
  13. Every piece of music in my 20.57 GB (as of November 1, 2005) iTunes library is 100% legit.
  14. 80% of that music was purchased from the iTunes Music Store… Go Apple!
  15. I own a 60gb iPod Photo. It’s my baby!
  16. The one thing I want more than anything right now (aside from a girlfriend) is a 17″ Apple Powerbook. I just can’t scrape up the $3k for one…
  17. I own Bill Clinton’s book My Life. I’m about 1/3 of the way through it and wish I had time to finish all 1008 pages, because it’s actually quite good.
  18. I have a small fuzzy stuffed cow sitting on top of my monitor. When you squeeze him, he moo’s. His companion is a Chick Fil A cow with the “Eat Chikin. Cuddle Cowz.” sign on his chest.
  19. I hate doing site design. Absolutely hate… It’s probably because what I come up with is never as great as what I envisioned, but I really can’t stand doing interface design. Let me design the backend, and you figure out what it should look like… (Added Dec 20, 2005)
  20. As of the end of December, 2005, I actually own a 17″ Apple PowerBook. It’s my bestest buddy in the world and travels with me everywhere. If only Visual Studio ran on it… (Added July 24, 2006)
  21. My next toy is likely going to be a Palm Treo (probably a 700w) - or maybe a Motorola Q (how can you not love it?) (Added July 24, 2006)
  22. I want a MacBook Pro like whoa… (Added Sept 15, 2006)
  23. I have a major thing developing for a recently-converted MILF… It’s like she goes out of her way to taunt me. (Added Sept 15, 2006)
  24. My first trip to a strip club was October 9, 2006. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to smell strawberries without thinking of that insanely hot stripper’s perfume again… Let’s just say it was a very good night. The next morning, not so much… (Added Oct 12, 2006)
  25. I was the editor of the school paper my senior year of high school. (Added June 6, 2007)
  26. I quit my job, effective March 31st, 2008. It was long overdue - I’d hated it for far too long. Have yet to decide what to do with my life. (Added April 30, 2008)