Incoherent Babble

So last month we had a family get-together, where everyone came over to have dinner and catch each other up on what’d been going on recently, since we don’t often talk to each other from day to day.

Well, just as people are finishing dinner and starting to talk about various topics, one of my aunts asks her son (my cousin, obviously) if he was going to tell anyone else about his announcement. He groans and mumbles something. After she hits him a couple times and yells, he speaks up and announces that he’s getting married to his girlfriend.

Today, after the majority of people left, one of my other cousins and I were sitting at the table after our Easter lunch at my grandparents’ house. Someone asks when our other cousin was planning to get married, and she looks at me and asks “Do you actually think they’ll end up getting married?” For several seconds, we both just sat and thought, then shared one of those “I’ll believe it when I see it” looks that can’t quite be described in words.

Is it just me, or is it somewhat foolish to get engaged to someone your family has never met? Back when we first heard that he was getting married, his mother said later on that she’d only met the girl the week before, and didn’t know how long they’d been going out. Since (to my knowledge) there’s no pregnancy involved, it all just seems a tad bit premature to me. Then again, I’m the one who’s been single for over 2 years now with no prospects in the near future (which is both a good and bad thing, but let’s not get distracted), so I’m bound to be somewhat sceptical when the cousin that’s barely 6 months older than I am is getting engaged.

What’s your take on the situation? Assuming there are no unusual circumstances (such as a mini-you on the way or a drunken night in Vegas), how long should you know someone before even considering proposing to them? What’s your idea of a normal engagement period - one year, two years, two months? Would you introduce them to any members of your family before popping the question? Which members - just parents, or would any extended family members be involved? For those of you who are (or have been) married, was there anything different about your process that you think was less than ideal? Think you should have waited longer at some point, or rushed a little more?

With over 50% of American marriages now ending in divorce, particularly for those couples who have parents who were divorced (of which his are), it just seems to me people should be more and more paranoid cautious about heading into the big-M these days, even if they do end up making the same decisions eventually.

Last but not least, do you think there’s some magical ideal age to tie the knot? I know people who have gotten married (and had children) at a wide range of ages, and there seem to be pluses and minuses to both ends of the spectrum, yet no definitive answer pops out and displays itself as readily being the best. At what age did you get married? Have kids? How about your parents and grandparents?

Both of my parents were in their early 30’s before they had me and in their mid- to late-30’s by the time my younger brother came along. At this rate they’re going to be well into their 60’s by the time they have any hope of getting grandchildren out of either of us, which seems to be a tad later than one would want to truly enjoy some time with their grandchildren. Still, having children much before the early 30’s makes things tough on most couples as they struggle to keep their heads above the financial waters. Even though I don’t plan on shacking up with anyone in the next 5+ years anyway, some of these things are in the back of my mind, and I’d be interested to get some opinions on them from you guys, since it’s not exactly a common dinner-table discussion one has with the family.